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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Recipe for a nice little Pastry

  • 15 cups of freeze dried strawberries
  • 2 eggs
  • 5 cups of vanilla ice cream
  • 1 cup of brown sugar
  • 1 liter of honey
  • 1 pound of flour
  • 1 teaspoon of milk
  • 3 ounces of dry ice
  • 2 ounces of melted chocolate
  • 7 cups of baking powder
  • 1 fistful of salt
  • 4 tablespoons of bananas
  • 1 drop of water
  1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
  2. Fill up the kitchen sink with hot water.
  3. Put in the dry ice.
  4. Film the water bubbling and fizzing.
  5. Wait 3 hours.
  6. Empty the sink.
  7. Blend the 2 eggs, the fistful of salt, the milk, and the liter of honey in a pink blender until smooth. Warning: leave the shells of the egg on. If you do not, ninjas will attack you in your sleep. Second Warning: If you do not use a pink blender specifically, pirates will come, too.
  8. Pour the mixture into the biggest bowl you have and mix in the brown sugar, the baking powder, the freeze dried strawberries, and the bananas.
  9. Put the pound of flour on to the kitchen counter and draw a happy face in it with your fingers.
  10. Pour the mixture from the bowl onto your happy face, have someone help you kneed the forming dough as you do.
  11. If the dough gets too dry, add in the drop of water.
  12. Roll out the dough thin as possible on the largest surface you have.
  13. With a purple spatula, spread the melted chocolate over the dough. Warning: if a purple spatula is not used, monkeys will attack you as you make this.
  14. After the chocolate is spread out evenly, roll up the dough until it looks like one big fat noodle thing.
  15. Using a green plastic knife, cut horizontally along the noodle thing for round slices 4 cm thick. Warning: if you do not use a green plastic knife, this pastry will taste horrible.
  16. Dump all the rolls into a bathtub and put it in your oven.
  17. Take a 10 minute shower.
  18. Go mow your yard for 20 minutes.
  19. Take the rolls out of the oven, and put the bathtub in your freezer.
  20. Working in your freezer, spread on the vanilla ice cream.
  21. After 5 more days in the freezer, take the bathtub out and set it on your dining table.
  22. Eat it all within 15 minutes or else they will come to life and eat all your furniture. INCLUDING THE BATHTUB. 
  23. Enjoy! (Serves 7.4925 people)


Anonymous said...

Aww, I thought this was a real recipe and was going to try it...until I saw 'dry ice' and 'fistful of salt' :P

kitty<3 said...

but do you like it anyway??? XD